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Breaking: Teens might be interested in sex

May 13, 2010

If you’re the sort of person who worries about the earth ever becoming underpopulated, good news from MSNBC:

Many parents don’t think their kids are interested in sex, but believe that everyone else’s kids are, a new study reveals.“Parents I interviewed had a very hard time thinking about their own teen children as sexually desiring subjects,” said study researcher Sinikka Elliott, an assistant professor of sociology at North Carolina State University. “At the same time, parents view their teens’ peers as highly sexual, even sexually predatory.”

–snip–

Beth, 39 (white, upper middle class), believed her son, 16, was a virgin because that’s what he told her, and he hadn’t dated. This mother added, “When you look at your child, they’re just so little and young. You just don’t think of them ever even thinking about [sex]. It’s hard to even think about what you should be saying to kids. You don’t think they are old enough when you think about those things.”

You know what I used to tell my mom? Oh, all sorts of entertaining things. That I wasn’t having sex. That I’d never tried drugs. That I would just take her car to the store and back. And guess how much of it she believed. Right–none. God, I wish I’d had parents like this. My childhood would have been a lot more fun.

Oh, and here’s a casual tidbit MSNBC sort of just threw in:

These disillusioned parents are factually wrong, as there were 435,436 births to teens aged 15 to 19 in 2006, and 6,396 for those aged 10 to 14, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Good God. Can this be right? Nearly a half-million babies born to parents 15-19? As a parent, this is naturally all terribly worrying, but somewhere the makers of Red Bull and hair gel are rejoicing at the assured robustness of their markets.

I think it’s time to give my idea for controlling teen pregnancy a go. Given how hard it can be to conceive when you’re trying, and how contrary teenagers are, I think we should just encourage them to have babies. Most will immediately begin vacuuming, reading the canon, and pursuing post-graduate degrees, and the ones who actually do have sex will find conception impossible.

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