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Whole Foods thinks you’re a chump

May 22, 2010

So you know how you’re always trying to get your kids to eat more chocolate, and they’re always like, “No way, I’m not eating that!” and you’re all like, “Oh, yes, you are, the doctor says you need more chocolate in your diet,” and they’re all like, “I hate chocolate and I wish I was never born,” and then you’re like, “Listen, you little bastard, you’ll eat this goddamn chocolate or no more violin lessons for you?” Yeah, me neither. But that hasn’t stopped this shit called Moo Chocolates from turning up at Whole Foods, where I was forced to notice it while waiting for the yoga teacher in front of me to have her cartful of flax oil and organic razors rung up by the Rastafarian trust fund kid. What are Moo Chocolates? Stuff covered in chocolate. But for kids! Explain, Moo Chocolates site:

Our mission is to make the best quality, delicious, wholesome [No comma here? No comma here. –Ed.] organic chocolates for kids.

In “The Moo Story” section, presumed founder Jackie Ekholm recounts the charming story of how the lightning bolt of inspiration found her during a summer trip with her kids to the Swiss Alps (which is where I get most of my best ideas, too, coincidentally).

During a break by a meadow with the sound of cow bells all around us, we snacked on a delicious all natural Swiss chocolate bar for kids… The kids absolutely loved it, and my son was wondering why they don’t have anything like it for kids in the U.S.

God, that must be just what it was like for Alexander Graham Bell. Jackie rushed right home and started covering stuff in chocolate: the current four flavors are corn flakes covered in chocolate; graham crackers covered in chocolate; puffed rice covered in chocolate; and granola covered in chocolate. And it turned out little Timmy was right all along! Kids love these four things covered in chocolate. And for future product development, Jackie, here are a few other things kids will eat if you cover them in chocolate:

  1. Legos
  2. A human finger
  3. Thumbtacks
  4. Anything at all

What’s next for Moo Chocolates? My God, with an idea like this, the sky’s the limit!

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