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Shatner will destroy your family

June 1, 2010

As the masterstroke in what I presume to be a plan to make itself the bellwether of irrationally overreactive child protectiveness, the Parents Television Council (PTC) has delivered an empty threat on a delicate bed of self-importance with a side of tangy hyperbole. Behold:

The Parents Television Council™ denounced CBS for choosing to insert an expletive into the name of its new show, “$#*! My Dad Says,” scheduled to air at 8:30 pm ET/PT (7:30 pm CT/MT) on Thursdays in the fall. [FYI, shift+number line isn’t an expletive.–Ed.]

“CBS intentionally chose to insert an expletive into the actual name of a show, and, despite its claim that the word will be bleeped, it is just CBS’ latest demonstration of its contempt for families and the public [If they’re referring to The Big Bang Theory, it’s more of a demonstration of contempt for all humanity.–Ed.].  There are an infinite number of alternatives that CBS could have chosen but its desire to shock and offend [As opposed to just wanting to use the name everyone knows.–Ed.] is crystal clear in this decision,” said PTC President Tim Winter.


“As we did with the broadcasts of ‘Dexter’ and ‘Swingtown,’ the PTC will wage an unrelenting campaign against every network advertiser that chooses to support this program; and in this instance, we will wage an unrelenting campaign against every local advertiser sponsoring the program at the affiliate station level.

“We will challenge the broadcast license of every network affiliate that chooses to air the program before 10 pm or that chooses to air a promotion of the program before 10 pm.

“We will also amend our federal court amicus briefs before the various pending court cases to demonstrate for the record the mens rea of the broadcast networks.”

Well, that seems like a sane, proportional response.

For those who don’t know it, Shit My Dad Says (that’s right, I’m spelling it out. Why? Because I fucking hate families), is a Twitter feed by Justin Halpern that is, as the title explains, shit his cranky dad says. PTC, meanwhile, is a watchdog group, founded by a conservative activist (a nephew of Willam F. Buckley, Jr., no less), that seeks to use government regulations to censor television, ostensibly in the interest of children, but really because they all harbor golden, innocent memories of a better time in this country, damn it, a time of Mayberry, segregation, and baby jails (all of which is interesting, since conservatives generally find regulation odious; I guess it’s only okay when it comes to television censorship and marriage).

Aaaaaanyway, SMDS is already widely popular (not surprisingly, since sitcom producers aren’t generally in the business of scouring the pop cultural landscape to bring you challenging, obscure new content). The SMDS Twitter feed, blog, book, and (I assume) line of action figures has thus far failed to succeed in destroying the idea of family (even with the gays chipping in), but the PTC still thought it would be a good idea to respond as if CBS plans on airing snuff films on Saturday mornings. I suppose this isn’t very surprising, since the PTC is best known as the vocal minority that made Janet Jackson’s breast seem like a moral issue. If you’re struggling to remember that particular event, think back to an indifferent shrug you might have offered in January 2004. It was sort of like the one you’re doing now.

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