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Muslim extremism just got sexy

June 9, 2010

Note: Never try to find an image of a man dressed as a baby while at work.

This is at best tenuously related to parenting, but I don’t want to live in a world where we can’t all blog about adult breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia:

Women in Saudi Arabia should give their breast milk to male colleagues and acquaintances in order to avoid breaking strict Islamic law forbidding mixing between the sexes, two powerful Saudi clerics have said.

–snip–

A fatwa issued recently about adult breast-feeding to establish “maternal relations” and preclude the possibility of sexual contact has resulted in a week’s worth of newspaper headlines in Saudi Arabia.

–snip–

“The man should take the milk, but not directly from the breast of the woman,” Al Obeikan said, according to Gulf News.

Who knew fatwas could be used for more than just ordering the beheadings of novelists. Versatile!

But while turd-in-the-punchbowl Al Obeikan wants the men to drink the milk from a glass, sheik Abi Ishaq Al Huwaini (aka the one who gets invited to way more parties) says nah, just get that milk out the old fashioned way.

This is a little confusing to me. The idea seems to be to make the men effectively family members, which would allow him to be in the woman’s presence–and presumably to see her without her burkha–but the clerics also seem to think that having drunk the breastmilk will somehow help inhibit inappropriate sexual attraction, because it will establish “maternal feelings.” You know, whenever I want to be sure my relations with a woman stay on the up-and-up and no sexual tension will arise, I usually just suck her nipples. It’s a real libido killer. If the clerics want to be extra safe, though, they might want to think about ordering vaginal penetration, since we’re mostly birthed through the vagina.

Unaddressed in all this is the fact–unknown to most of the Muslim world, apparently–that women’s breasts aren’t filled with milk at all times. I can’t help but think that a little actual breast interaction (or maybe just an 8th grade health class) would have helped the clerics on this subject. Isn’t there anyone at all in Saudi Arabia who knows this? Oh, yeah–the quiet ones in the corner with the huge sheets over their heads. Good move, guys.

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