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Misery Index: 6/20/10

June 20, 2010

Well, it’s Father’s Day, the holiday when mothers everywhere wonder awkwardly whether their husbands want to spend it with or without their kids, and what better time to take stock of the week’s awfulness in parenting? None.

A county prosecutor in Detroit thinks the best way to get parents involved in their children’s education is to pass a law that makes it a crime to skip your parent-teacher conference. Because what Detroit needs is more ways for its denizens to be criminals.

More than 100 children who died in Nigeria were apparently poisoned by lead from illegal gold mining. Because what Africa needs is more ways to be the biggest shitshow on the planet.

The International Labor Organization says nobody cares about child labor. Is it wrong that the picture accompanying this story made me realize I could teach my six-year-old to shine my shoes?

Two Ugandan children died in a fire while their parents were off watching the World Cup. Left to the end of the story is the detail that the fire was started when a rat knocked over a candle, which somehow just sums it all up for me.

93 people, mostly kids, got E. coli from a petting zoo.

Murder makes your kids stupid. Stupid murder.

You should be teaching your kids about sex from the age of five, say a bunch of British people. Seriously, I don’t need to add sex to the list of things my son knows more about than me.

Recruiting child soldiers is wrong, and only primitive, backward nations practice it. Primitive, backward nations like the US, apparently.

Speaking of which, Somalia’s president is determined to get to the bottom of all this child soldier stuff.

If you’re a teen and you plan to make out on someone’s front lawn, watch out for the Google car.

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